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Mrs. GrumbleButt does not understand religion. But that isn’t going to keep her from going straight to hell. We had this text conversation today:
Mrs. GrumbleButt: Going through cafeteria. Children trading food. Teacher said, “NO! If Jesus didn’t give it to you, you can’t have it.”
Me: How does she know Jesus wasn’t behind that trade? He’s supposed to work in mysterious ways and all.
Mrs. GrumbleButt: She said they trade half-eaten food, which is gross, so she doesn’t allow it. Cracked me up. I’m going to use it. 🙂
Me: You talking about Jesus is dangerous. You shouldn’t talk about people you don’t know.
Mrs. GrumbleButt: BWAHAHAHAHA! You mean I can’t look thoughtfully upward and say, “Sorry, Jesus says no?”
Me: You are going straight to hell.
Mrs. GrumbleButt: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I wonder who said that? Jesus?
Me: No. Jesus was nicer than that. But you are still going straight to hell.
I have to give her credit, though. “Jesus says no” is an awesome response to anything you don’t like. I think I’ll use it a few times and see how it goes. This *could* be the most awesome thing ever. But don’t tell Mrs. GrumbleButt. Jesus said not to.